A Lima en dos semanas!

Leaving for Lima in 2 weeks exactly. It still has not really hit me, and I don't expect that it will until I am physically on the plane towards Lima. And even then, it probably will not hit me until I step off the plane, out of the airport and into the actual city.

I would be lying if I said I am scared senseless for this adventure I am about to embark upon. Moving to Ontario 2 years ago was a big deal to me, and I found it difficult to do so in part of not knowing anybody, having troubles finding friends that I could relate to and just moving away from home for the first time ever. I am not sure if I should expect much the same, combined with a language barrier and culture shock, but I am hoping to make the most of my experience.

In the end, I am doing this volunteer internship with the intent of learning more about the social class that I am most unfamiliar with and that in the future, I hope and intent to work with more. Of course, I would be lying if I said if my intent was completely selfless. Obviously I am excited for the opportunity to travel to South America and see as much of it as possible, but also to continue my education of myself and who I am as a person, what I am capable of and who I am capable of becoming. It is of course my desire that I could become the best person that I could be. Of course it has been difficult balancing a North American lifestyle with a desire to help others.

Often, I struggle with an internalized criticism that I cannot be genuine about my want to help others if I lead such a luxurious lifestyle. Of course, by no means is my life as a student defined as luxurious by many, but more even more I have things in my life, that for that the entirety of my existence, I have mostly always taken for granted. Things like this laptop that I am writing this blog on, the large suburban house I grew up in, the piano and piano lessons my parents provided me, the car(s) that I have ready accessibility to and even being able to be a part of the Students Without Borders volunteer internship is in itself a luxury that I know many would not be able to afford. First of all, not only would one have to be a university student, something many cannot afford, but secondly because of the costs attached to the internship and even though much of my funding has come from the generous support of my friends and family, of course I have contributed my own fair share of financing.

I hope that this internship will open my eyes to what it really means to help others and to open my eyes about my own life, and to learn to appreciate more than I already do the privileged life I lead in Canada. I also hope that this internship helps to quell the uneasiness I have also internalized with the hypocrisy that is inherent in the privileged helping the underprivileged. By this I mean trying to help those in need without really ever understanding them. It seems elitist almost, yet at the same time I am not prepared to give up my life of comfort to live in poverty, like saints in Christianity did (not that I'm religious or anything, but just to make myself a little more comprehensible). This is something I hope that I am able to work out in Peru, that I am able to either come to terms with the fact that while I may probably never live in destitute poverty, it does not mean that I must feel guilty about it and like an elitist trying to "help the little people" (so to speak); or that I am able to come to learn to live without certain luxuries in my life and to lead a more simple, but more humble lifestyle.

Anyway, there are many reasons for my fear and second thoughts ranging from "oh my god I'm going to fail and it's going to be a disaster and Students Without Borders is going to be so disappointed with me" to fear of moving to a new country with a new culture and a language that I do have a complete grasp to just the city itself and the horror stories I have heard about it. Of course, the latter I know is me being paranoid as even if crime is common in Lima, one must also understand that it is a) a very large city where of course crime rates are going to be higher because of that and b) it is in a developing country. The reality stands that the likelihood of me being robbed or hurt in Lima is probably about the same as the likelihood of me being robbed or hurt in Hong Kong. Even though I am Chinese, native Hong Kongers are always able to pick me out as an outsider and I expect that even with a sizable Chinese population in Lima, people will be able to tell that I am not your usual Peruvian Chinese.

But, I am still excited nonetheless. Fear is normal and it would be weird if I didn't have any. It's all part of the learning and adaptation process and I hope that I come out a better person.

De todas maneras, estoy es muy cansado. Es tiempo para me dormir! (I'm still working on my Spanish grammar here, give me a break! Hahaha)

Chau por ahora mi amigos!

- Renee